The tears I never cried

I will sit here and weep
But don't be deceived.
For I cry not for you.
It's purerly a case of what I have sowed
I shall now reap

Oh gosh! I loved you
Lord knows how much.
 I gave you my all
I devoted my time
and offered my heart,
but why didn't I cry for us
when it all fall apart?

People always tell me
"Asanda, you don't always have
to be strong"
But they are not aware
Tha's the strenght I don't have
 to actually cry.
And you thought and I ought to know why.

Today I will cry.
Today I will breakdown.
All my emotions I will let out
through each tear drop.
There's so much to cry about
So many tears I never let out.

Tonight I will lie on my pillow
and transfer pain on it.
Arg!Who am I kidding!!
If I cry tonoght
I will cry for one memory
I will cry for you.
  and that I cannot let it happen
I will not
I refuse!
To shed one sorry tear
Toshow any form of weakness
towards you!

My face is wet!
How could it be?
Had I been crying all along?
All this years I thought I was strong?
But the tears had been rolling down inside of me.
Could it be

That tables are turning on me?

But once they start coming
You can't stop them from rolling and falling

But then again don;t be deceived!
For I cry not only for you
Tonight I cried for my heart too

Have U tried?

Have u tried saying you are ohk but u are not?

Pretending to understand when u
don't?

Acting like you are busy but in reality you are lonely?

Convincing people that you just want to be friends but what you really want is more than just friends?

When you know that he\she has somebody else and you pretend that it doesn't hurt but it really hurts do bad inside?

When you say you have moved on but the truth is you are just still waiting?

When you say you are over him\her
but you know you are still inlove with him\her?

TherE's NothINg LeFT to GiVe...

Sitting here by the window

As I sit here all by myself by the window
I remember me
I remeber you.....
 and I remember us
I remember the beautiful times we had together
the love you made me feel

I remember how you would sing love songs
 for me and make my heart melt.
How we would have long conversations on the
phone just to try and fight the long distance that try
to fight us

U were everything that I ever wanted  in a guy
So I gave you my LOVE.
I gave you my trust
I gave you my the best of me.
U taught me how to love and trust
and then you showed me the pain
for loving and trusting.

What did I do wrong?
Wasn't I enough to make you happy?
I tried to hold on but you kept on changing girls, neglecting me
making me feel so little, like I ain't good enough
But still I LOVE YOU

I am tired and I can't go on like this
I love you truly and no girl has ever loved you as much as I do
Someday you will see that.....
But I LOVE myself more and I come FIRST

Take CaRe oF hER....

 



                          Please take care of her..
                               Be there when everyone else is Gone.
                       Wipe her tears when she cries..
                           Show her the way when she is Lost.

                          Be her light when darkness comes
                   Be her hope when she has lost it..
                         Please take care of her..]

                   Warm her, when it is cold
                       Shield her from danger
                      protect her from the cruel world.
                  Be her friend when she needs one

                Be her angel and Your Heart Shall be her Heaven.

                Take care of her Because Her heart Bruise Easily

Forever friend....

                                      

Sometimes in life u find as special friend........
                   someone who makes u laugh until u cant stop..
              someone who makes u believe that theres an unopened door waiting for u to open

                              A friend like you!

Someone whose there and drops everything just for YOu!
   Who knows the songs in your heart and can sing them to you
      when you have forgotten the lyrics....
  that's a FOREVER friend and a FOREVER friend has no END....

.

....LiFe MaY bE hEll.....

Life may be hell for now but one day it
               will all come to pass
 U may experience difficulties in your life, you
           may have lost your loved ones in your life
 but never lose faith...
Just keep on holding on to your dreams and never give
                                 up.
Sometimes memories may break your
                              heart
and you feel like crying and giving up, the more
            the inner part gets healed
As long as you dont lose your
                    humanity.
Success is everyone comes with kindness and
                   humanity.
Just keep in mind that who can go put u through this
                   struggle is God.
Life may be hell for now but it will pass
and when it passes you will be more
             wiser and stronger,
so enjoy your days because these will be your
                       good old
   days and you are going
           to miss them......

I'M TOO BIG TO CRY

I never stopped to realize,
How lonely I would be.
I never thought that the day would
come
When you will grow tired of me.

The voice was never sweeter,
Than the day you said goodbye.
You'l never know how much it 
hurts...
Because i'm too big too cry.

If I knew than I know now
You would still be kissing me
Instead of someone else's
lips.
Where mine use to be.

I say Hello and wish you well,
each time I pass you.
But you will know how much it
hurts...
Because I'm too big to cry.

You never looked so wonderfull,
As the day you walked away.
I use to say "I love you"
but now that I can not say...

I can't forget you dear...
no matter how much I try.
You will never know how much it
hurts
Because I'm too big to cry

MeMoRiEs....

One category in our minds,
we always seem to find,
can't just leave it behind,
it is always there by your side...

Memories of long lost friends
which the friendship cant seem to
end..
but thinking about them leaves you sad
because you miss them so bad.

Memories of past lovers,
who filled all your hearts desires,
lovers whom you badly miss,
and from them you seek only one last kiss

Memories which cannot fade
yet can't just bury them with a spade.
They form part of your story
that will be part of your lie's history

A SmiLe is Just A sMIle

Doesn't mean I'm happy Nor does
It mean I'm enjoying the pain.
It is all I can do because All else is in vain...
I smile because I do not want pity from
Anyone else...
I had people who pretend to care..
       When they were with me,
                 But Laughed
          when I turned my back.....

My life has never been perfect,Everyday
has been a struggle to survive......
I hold on not knowing if I will survive..
I do not want to be labelled as Weak,
       That would make me break
It can't be that bad right?
Well it is,You won't notice cause My
        smile has u hooked.

I Laugh Like my Life is Fun, like every
 Moment is a happy one but deep down
          I know it is Challenging,

My heart Bleeds everyday, For the sun is
   out but my Eyes are blinded by
           the pain that strikes my heart
 and tears that makes everything
                   a blur....
I do not enjoy being me , cause most
of the time it is all just
                pretence. Time heals So i've
been told, but To  Me its Like Being Given a
                   Life Sentence.
I have people I Regard As
                  friends
       But I can't feel their Presence

I will Shine

              



                      

              **I will shine**
I will shine when the darkness covers the night
 and I glow with brightness till the morning light comes
 I will shine when one finds something in me to tease..
  and I will motivate myself to keep my anger at ease

I will shine when my failures and mistakes
        are difficult to hide
and forgetting quandaries and every thought in my mind

I willl shine when one aproaches me with hatered and attitude
 For I will brighten up with honour and gratitude

I will shine when God takes my sight and make me blind
       I may lose it but happiness i may find
I will shine when people judge and call me names
 I will keep my dignity and not compete in their game
I willl shine when I am insukted and live in pain

I will brighten and let them know that I am not in vain
i will not lose this golden moment because i will SHINE into eternity

Unspoken words

Many were the times I should have said "I love you"
but those words were not easy for me to say..
For everyone I loved and told I loved
  pulled back from me and ran away
That made saying "I love you" very difficult for me.

Many were the times when harsh words prevailed..
Where the words of kindness did not endure.
For every time I said words against you
I knew that my heart was not pure
And that made saying I love you much harder for sure

Many were the times I said I love you
  when you were not around
But many were the times when I felt those words
  when simple words could not be found
That made saying I love you a rope around me..

Many are the heartaches when I feel nobody
            knows the pain within
I should have told you how much I loved you
     just to see how they make you grin
But words unspoken nevertheless always resides within

Words left unspoken like "I love you"
would have meant a world to your heart
It is easy to say I love you when we are
      mountains and rivers apart
I always felt those words within me,
   but I didn't know where to start

 I still love though
Though I know I am no longer
               present in your heart.

Power of silence

Emotions cut deep...
  penetrating the soul..
the eyes sting as you weep
      yet you cannot be consoled
When you keep quite to protect somene's virtue
The burden accumuklates a liability that hurts you

Let it out!Let it out!
Let the caged bird break into a song
Let her tell the tales of the ones who have done her wrong

She starts to sing,its muffed and distant
The audience love to hear but they never seem to listen

being silent is a very heavy burdren to bear...
speaking up does no good,either a nobody seems to care

My silence is how I shield myself
   from dissapoinments
It is my weapon!!

My silence is precious!!

My silence is golden!

can you hear me?
shhhhhhhhhhhhhh
 thats my silence

The power of words!

Words can speak directly to the heart,
so do becareful with  what you say,
Words have the power to crush or rebuild a person
Words are powerfull,Yes they are!

They can express better than action.
They are clearer to understand,
words are a window into your soul,
They are echoes from the heart

With the ability to destroy a soul,
or lead it to a plece of rest
Words can kill and break us..

We spill at each other with empty,ugly words
Through words we murder each other

Words are a brighter vision.
Words are stronger than they sound
They behold the future and they describe us as humans!

Thank you

Thank you for the time we shared together
for the memories we both created,
 for turning my dreams into reality
for making me smile with the little things you do
for holding me tight in your arms

I thank you for making me belive that I am loved,
for making my heart beat faster everytime I saw you
For making me feel soo incredible free and alive
Thanx for making me happy with your presence in my life and so I thank you for the lies you told me to make my eyes blink,
For entering my heart and actually staying in there
Thank you for the pain you brought upon me it made me stronger

Oh I also thank you for leaving me ,
and made me realise that there's more to lifethan settling for less

I am clever

I might not live in a beautiful decorated house
but I am clever..
Clever enough to be thankful that I am not an orphan,
Clever enough that I have a mother who is like a father to me and my siblings..
 Clever enough that I am thankful that I have a roof
over my head...

I may not wear all the expensive labels known
But I am clever.
Clever enough to apreciate that Iook good in anything I wear
clever enough to apreciate all my parents can afford
Clever enough not to demand more or less from what my parents
can supply..

I might not be the most beautiful girl amongst them
but,
I am clever enough to know thay we are all different in
our unique ways..
Clever enough to know that I am pretty in my own simple way

I am not perfect inlife
but,
I AM CLEVER
Clever enough to have people who inspire me in so
many different ways

Clever enough to always take responsibilty for my own action
Clever enough to be mature in decision-making alll the time
and clever enough to know that nobody is perfect inlife

I might not have all the money in my bank account

but I am clever enough to know that I do not need
money to be happy....

You might not be there yet !
and still...
I am clever enough to accept the way that I am
and how mylife is

A wish

What can I say but that,I wish?
I wish I was the best
                a man who could stand any test
but life never gives me any rest.
I wish I could make helping other people my quest..

I wish life was simple and fair
   where everyone could relax with no care..
I wish it was that easy, I could find my perfect pair
and we could have both our love to share..

I wish I was always sane with no pain
  that could always rain my wisdom to nature your suger cane
I wish I could in plain sightjust fly away far like a plain

but I all I could do is to just wish
all your dreams could come true,
   wish u never give up cause you are the only one
       that could stand on our way....

Public Apology

I am sorry that when you judge me I do not break into sorrows nor shame,sorry I stood up to what I beleive in.

I am sorry that to me half a loaf is better than nothing,
soory I couldnt get out of my comfort zone.
I apologize for the unreasonable apologies I made,
 for the people I hurt,for the love I couldnt give,
the dreans I couldnt share....for the lies and truth I told.

I apologise for not being ashamed, for not being someone else but me
I am sorry for not caring for a while
sorry I had the guts to tell you how angry I am at you.
I am sorry for taking time to answer your questions

sorry I could not be fooled by lust.
I apologise for taking time to tell you how sorry I am,
sorry I could never be a coward, sorry to have trusted you instead of me.
My humble apology

For My Late Uncle.....

If tears could build a stairway and memories were
a lane, I would walk right up to heaven to bring you down again..

No farewell was spoken, no time to say goodbye, you were
 gone before we knew it and only God knows why.....my heart
still ache in sadness and secret tears still flow.

What it meant to lose you,no-one will ever know...when
I am sad and lonely and everything goes wrong, I seem to
hear you whisper 'cheer up an carry on' each time I look at your pictures

You seem to smile and say 'do not cry,I am only sleeping,we'll meet again someday'
somehow this pain don't want to go away, I will always Love u Malume and
you will always stay in my heart

I AM NOT PERFECT

I have made mistakes, I still do and will still do.
I have wronged so many souls and was forgiven
I have done things which I aint so proud of but I forgave myself and learnt from all the
bad i've done.

Forgive yourself
Forgive the soul that have wronged you even if they do not apologise
or find faults in what they did.
Do not make a fuss about it....
Some of us are too heartless to see the wrongs we've one
even if we do find faults  we have pride to say
       'I am sorry, I didn't mean to'
Tomorrow might not come for that soul and
all you will always remember be left are regrets which will
always be memorable.....
Learn to forgive yourself and others so that you will be 
able to move on and free your soul.

UThixo uyasixolela, kutheni lento thina singenakuxolela abo basonayo?

Side oF mY Pain

My life is thrown into the dark.The sun is shining so bright,
but I can hardly feel it on my skin.

I try not to cry, but the more I not cry,my tears just flows like
Victoria Waterfalls. I scream but no matter how loudly I scream, my heart keeps
tearing apart,kancinci kancinci...

Iv been in the past  and it was not wonderful, no I am in the present and all I can feel
is pain.Now my only hope is the future.In the future, I hope to leave the side of my pain
in the past.All the bad things in our lives belongs to the past.

The say time heal all wounds,but my wound is very deep
......THIS IS THE SIDE OF MY PAIN....

So you left me....

You left me for her?
But guess what? i'm still here
you broke my heart
and brought me so much pain

I gave you my all
But u didnt catch me when I fell
instead you deliberately let me hit the ground
So you could smile when you see my wound

Leaving me shattered
Did you think I wouldn't be able to pick up the pieces?
That it was the end of me?

I won't shed another tear for you
Because you are just not worth it anymore!

THE WOMAN OF MY OWN

You could not say that I am angry,
it is just that I have dignity especially for the epiphany
that you were never worthy of me...
You treated me as trash as if I was after your money

I guess I expected you to have the decency
to operate with me in honesty cause seriously
it bothers me how You lie so recklessly.
Quite frankly all I remember of us is the LOVE I
never got to have..
I was supose to be YOUR only woman clearly I
was your token to violence I continued to LOVE U 
even though u were so embarrassed of me

YES I was your 'bootycall'
And hey do not get it twisted
I am not angry Its just that I came to realize
MY IMPORTANCE AS A WOMAN
but
A WOMAN OF MY OWN

GOD KNOWS

God knows the things you need
His voice may come in form of idea...
It may come in an email..a letter from someone who cares and
 gives the courage to go on

God's voice may be heard through a phone call-from a vacancy
you have applied for a long time telling you that your application has been accepted

You can hear God's voice when you read the bible
Sometimes he even speaks through Ministers even through inspirational books

You will hear God he will talk to you indeed
 He has talked to you chances are you just didnt recognise His voice
when he spoke

Open your eyes
YOU will see God's work in your life
Open your ears you will hear God's voice

WHO AM I?

Who am I?
To point a finger at someone
When I know perfectly well that perfect is no one
I with a dirty hand know how to point out a finger at other's mistakes
So that I can make myself look clean..

Who am I?
TO pass a judgement
Is it necessary for me to always comment?
I say things I woudnt want to hear being sid to me
Why cant I just let people be?

Who am I?
To put titles on other people
I call them names
Persecute against them
Who am i to do that?
Who am I exactly?

"do not judge , or you too will be judged.
For in the same way that u judge others,you will be judged
and with the same measures you use, it will be meaured to you" Matthew 7:1,2

THE SECRET OF HAPPINESS

Most people think happiness depends on what you can achieve
and what you can process in life..
They think that if they could get that high paying job
brand new car,perfect girl or guy everything would change
and their lives would become perfect and peaceful in an instant...

When they do get the new car and job and relationship everything Will be in place and they will be happy
they might be happy for a week or two and then what?
Then they go back right back to being miserable again.Why could this be?It is because of the secret of happiness is....THE ART OF APPRECIATING WHAT U ALREADY HAVE...

Happiness is a state of mind
You can have everything in the world and still be miserable.Or you can have relatively
little and bliss full happy.
Counting your blessings and realizing the value in things that are not possessions
such as your health,family,friends and relationships-will give you a sense of perspective
and make you see that you are in fact far more blessed than many other people out there.....

THE WOMAN THAT I AM..

I am woman of intergrity
The definiton of of dignity
I may not be the best perfect creature
But greatness is what I nurture....

A woman of colour
So butifil like spring flower
Opinioneted but still respectfull

I will be defined by my gender
or the colour of my skin
I will fight for what I love and still maintain my glowing skin
No I will not frown
Even when they try to bringme down....

I am strong
and I can distinguish btwin right and wrong
I dance to my own son
I dont need a man to feel complete
Nor do I live my life to complete

I am the woman that I am proud of

Somethingto keep you thinking

Hi mummy!
I am only 3\4 of an inch long,
But I have all my organs.
I love the sound of the sound of your voice
Evrytime I hear it I wave my arms and legs
The soud of your heart beat is my favourite lullaby

Month two
Mummy
today I learned how to suck my thumb
If you could see me,you could definetly tell that I am a baby
Im not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month three
You know what Mummy?
I AM A GIRL!
I hope that makes you happy
I always want to make you happy
I dont like it when you cry
You sound soo sad It makes me sad too
And I cry with you even though You cant hear me

Month four
Mummy
My hair is starting to grow
It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it
I spend a lot of time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
And stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming good at it too.

Month Five
You went to a doctor today.
Mummy,he lied to you
He said that I am not a baby.
I am a baby,Mummy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mummy what is arbortion?

Month Six
I can hear that doctor again.
 I dont like him.
He seems cold and heartless
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mummy what is it? It burns!
Pleeease make him stop!
I cant get away from it!
Mummy Help me !

!
......Month seven. mummy
I am okay.
I am in God's arms(smile)
He is holding me.
He told me about arbortion.
Why didnt you want me mummy?

Every arbortion is just...

 One more heart that was stopped.

Two more eyes that will never see.

Two more legs that will never run

One more mouth that will never speak

Parents taking charge

PRACTISE WHAT U PREACH

Parents play a big role when it comes to their familie's lifestyle especially their children.According to Daily Mail article a parent is the biggest influence of  their children losing and being obese,therefore in order for their children to follow the right diet parents need to buy and eat healthy food and also attend healthy eating.exercise and parening classes.In the study parents were asked whether they eat as a family, about the food they buy each week and about their parenting skills.Changin of lifestyle can have a huge and significant impact on children so parents be role models to your children.http:\\www.iol.co.za

i am a new creation, i am a brand man new man, old things have passed way, i am born again*singin n in deep thoughts*

missing you

i thought about u last night ......i thought about even this morning..... and now im thinking of u...i miss you,wena?

a way start

hello world m new to the blogging world,looking forward to yo bloggs n comments