The tears I never cried

I will sit here and weep
But don't be deceived.
For I cry not for you.
It's purerly a case of what I have sowed
I shall now reap

Oh gosh! I loved you
Lord knows how much.
 I gave you my all
I devoted my time
and offered my heart,
but why didn't I cry for us
when it all fall apart?

People always tell me
"Asanda, you don't always have
to be strong"
But they are not aware
Tha's the strenght I don't have
 to actually cry.
And you thought and I ought to know why.

Today I will cry.
Today I will breakdown.
All my emotions I will let out
through each tear drop.
There's so much to cry about
So many tears I never let out.

Tonight I will lie on my pillow
and transfer pain on it.
Arg!Who am I kidding!!
If I cry tonoght
I will cry for one memory
I will cry for you.
  and that I cannot let it happen
I will not
I refuse!
To shed one sorry tear
Toshow any form of weakness
towards you!

My face is wet!
How could it be?
Had I been crying all along?
All this years I thought I was strong?
But the tears had been rolling down inside of me.
Could it be

That tables are turning on me?

But once they start coming
You can't stop them from rolling and falling

But then again don;t be deceived!
For I cry not only for you
Tonight I cried for my heart too